3, 2 ,1...Action...

My 'got landslide at Ranau' was answered with 'one lane is still passable' by hubby. One could hardly deny his enthusiasm when it comes to birding. And I was not expecting any less from him.


Saturday, 5 December 2009...

Hubby : Called Alphon, asked him where the landslide is...

Self : (on the phone)...where's the landslide...
Alphon : ...about 3 kilometres from the junction to Kota Belud...
Self : Where are you now...
Alphon : ...at Bundu Tuhan...it's raining and foggy...


Hmmm...that is not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. A definite no no for photography.

In anticipation to the landslide and also a warning from Alphon pertaining to traffic congestion nearing the landslide site, we departed early from Tuaran than usual. Even the canteen has not opened when we arrived. It was drizzling and the dreaded thick fog did not seem to want to go away any sooner.

We were having our breakfast when we heard loud bird sound...

Self : Magpie or the treepie...
Hubby : Magpie...
Self : They sounded very near...
Hubby : Yeah...
Alphon : Sometimes they are not that near...they sounded near as they are very loud...


While hubby and Alphon was dilly dallying, I finished my Maggi quickly and rushed behind the hall. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe the magpies are nearby as they are just too loud. I held up my head all the time, trying to locate the sound. They sounded just too close for comfort. The fog was of no help at all and I have to squint my eyes harder for clearer vision.

Then I caught a movement from up high. I saw a pair of them sort of fighting each other off. I quickly aimed my camera and started gunning the shutter button.

With my forefinger pressing down hard on the shutter button, I yelled at the top of my lungs for hubby and Alphon, my voice echoing around the park...


Self : Hurry up, hurry up...there's two of them...they're eating something...
Self : Hurryyyyy uppppppp...not two...there's four of them...


As expected the images are not of the high quality ones, didn't even come close. But I enjoyed myself nonetheless as it is not always everyday that one would came across the opportunities watching the antics of the feathered ones.

Short-tailed Magpie (Cissa thalassina)

...saw a pair of them...they had their back on me...

...I still could not make out what they're up to...

...a tug of war ensued...I thought it was a snake...

...until I saw the claw...I think it was a gecko...

...survival of the fittest...

...the agony of defeat...I think...for now...

...anddddddd...
cut...

His and hers...

21 November 2009.
A date that was eagerly awaited.
The Saturday that we impatiently looked forward to.

Ever since we got word of it, there was not a single day that we did not talk about it. We were like kids waiting to open our presents on Christmas day. We could not wait for each day to end. We could not wait for each day to start.


Upon reaching KNP...

Self : Ohhh (disappointed)...he's not here yet...did you call him...
Hubby : No, I just SMS him...


We were waiting for our good buddy Mr Alphonsus Loinsang.
The bearer of the good news.
The person responsible for delivering the 'package'.

...Alphonsus Loinsang a.k.a the Beastmaster...

Saturday, 21 November 2009, is the day Aphon personally delivered to hubby his new toy...
...his new toy to play with during our photography excursion...
...his new 'assault weapon'...

...Canon EOS 7D...

Saturday, 21 November 2009, is also the day I received my new toy...

...my new 'assault weapon'...

...the hands-me-down from hubby...

...Canon EOS 40D...

...two good buddies...two different gadgets...

...the Eyebrowed Jungle Flycatcher captured with 40D...

I have yet to hear any complaints from hubby on his new acquisition. Despite the negative and unfriendly reviews that were thrown at the EOS 7D, hubby was very optimistic towards it. I was not surprised at all at his decision knowing full well that he is one who loves to go against the flow of things. Against all odds, I believed he wanted to prove his unfaltering confidence in the brand. So far, it has not failed him yet.

I could not say the same about me tho. Still complaining. Still grumbling. "I need to get a lense like yours...mine is slowing me down"...repeated over and over again to which hubby would only nodded his agreement.


Was I in for a surprise on our way home 2 nights ago...

Hubby : I think you should get 7D also...trade in the 40D...
Self : (not blinking...not answering)...
Hubby : What say you...
Self : (swallowing saliva)...10K!!!!!...awww...that hurts...


I'm scratching a non-existing itch on my head as we talked. I started to stare unblinkingly at the dark long road to home. Temptation aside, I have to be realistic tho. But not before wishing that money would drop from the sky at that very instant. I would have to make do with what my financial limit permits me. Let me just sleep on it this year. Next year might be a different matter altogether.


So, in the mean time...

this his and hers...
has pleased him and her...
they are content with their thingamajiggys...

this his and hers...
has eluded the allure of the 'dark side'...

coz this his and hers...
has been delighting him and her...
...always...

Birding heartaches and joys...

Two Saturdays ago...


My chest tightened. It felt like someone is tugging hard at it. I put my hand over my chest. I could feel my heart racing hard and fast, thudding against my palm. My breathing became laboured. I was breathing very hard. I was out of breath. I gulped the air as slow as I can. As gentle as I could.

I could see that my hands were shaking. I opened up my palm. It was pale. I clenched it. I unclenched it. In my oxygen deprived lungs, I reached inside my pocket. With unsteady hand, I took out my BB and scrolled hubby's no.

Self : I felt like throwing my camera...
Hubby : Huh?
Self : It's here...just under the bridge...
Hubby : So, did you get a photo...
Self : (voice shaking in agony)...yaaa...but all blurrrrrrrrr...it's just too fast...too quick for my cam...


My eyes started to burn. I just could not believe it. It was a first time for me. I could hardly believe that I nearly shed a tear. I nearly reduced to crying. Just because of her...the White-Browed Shortwing. Our recent find. The cause of our sleepless nights.

On our way back home, I could not help talking endlessly about the shortwing. Hubby patiently listened to my repetitive narration on the missed opportunities. I guessed he could see the disappointment written all over my face. He could hear the frustration in my voice. But when hubby suggested that we do another trip the next day, thrilled that I was, I did not give him the thumbs up right away.

For one, I would be breaking the rule...no birding on Sunday or a day before work day. The other one would be the kids. They would definitely do not take this into stride. So, we devised an idea. We would take them along for a half day affair at the mountain. And to our surprise but I have to admit much to our delight they flatly rejected the idea.

So, in order to compensate our absence on Sunday, we treated the kids to Dinner at Tuaran Chicken Rice and later got them their food supplies. I was happy with the turn of event and my obsession with the shortwing took me to another level when I dreamt of it that night...


On Sunday...


On our way up, I could not hide my excitement. I chatted non-stopped and when I do stopped I chanted the shortwing name in silence. I willed it to come out and showed itself. I have to see it again. I have to get a photo of it. That's my mission.

While hubby went into the trail to look for the Whitehead Trogon, I lingered around the stream around the park. It has become my favourite spot ever since I spotted not only the White-Browed Shortwing but also the endemic Crimson-Headed Partridge.

It was not long before I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. Being extra careful, being extra quite, I think I even stopped breathing completely while clicking furiously at my shutter.

I was on cloud nine when I managed to nail these photos. The best that my camera could reach. The best that my camera could give me.

...The White-Browed Shortwing...Brachypteryx montana...

...The Eyebrowed Jungle Flycatcher...Rhinomyias gularis...

...an endemic that is highly territorial...it will chase off other birds that went into its "claimed" spot...



...The Indigo Flycatcher...Eumyias indigo...

...saw one of it bathing the day before...it was a treat watching them taking turns dipping in the cool water...

...I heard hubby called out to me..."take both of them, you're at the right angle"...only then I realised that both of them preening at the bank of the stream...

To be able to appreciate the sheer beauty of these winged ones among us...
...is a noble act...
To be able to see and captured their sheer beauty on camera...
...are life's small pleasures...

Yuckyyyy...

...this morning at the office...

Since I car-pooled with hubby, I would asked him to drop me off at the nearby restaurant to get my breakfast...

I was reading the newspaper over my breakfast and almost did not noticed it...since I do not eat garlic and onions I would normally rummaged over my noodles to put them aside...still I did not noticed anything peculiar...I guessed I was lucky enough today...when I took off my eyes from the paper in between bites I saw a roundish black thingy shape...still I thought it was a burnt crust if not for the metalic sort of shine it reflected...it was nothing actually...

...hahhh...nothing my foot...IT'S A FLY!!!...it's not the ordinary fly...it's the bigger version one...'the langau'...


...this brought to mind something that happened some time in April last...

We were having lunch at this restaurant located on the other side from our office at Alamesra. It was always packed with people and we are in agreement that the various selection of tasty foods is really a crowd puller.


...we had our 2nd lunch there when...

Momoi : Oh my...
Aines : Why?
Momoi : Still alive...
Self : What...what is it?
Momoi : Do you think I have eaten it?
Self : What is it?
Sai : Maggot...


A still very much alive maggot was wiggling in Momoi's veggies. We summoned one of the lady workers. It took them quite a while to attend to Momoi and when shown the maggot she informed who we believed is one of the supervisors. Momoi's food was taken away and she was told to take fresh ones. I guessed remembering that wiggly thing had loosen her appetite a bit. She only took one dish instead of three.


We continued our lunch when I noticed something in my dish and asked one of the girls...

Self : What do you thing this is...(pushing a pinkish flatten shred of something to the edge of the plate)
Momoi : What...don't tell me you have one too...
Self : Do you think this is also that thing Nes...
Aines : (peering closer)...Yes...


I signalled to the lady worker yet again...

Self : Just want to tell you (pointing at my plate)...
Worker : Oh my...get a fresh one then...
Self : It's okay...

It was in my veggie. My veggie is different from Momoi's. I did not take fresh food as requested as I almost finish eating mine. Then I continued eating my chicken. Well, the chicken is tasty after all.

2 out of 4 person having maggots in their lunch...one alive...one dead...sitting at the same table...wow...talk about luck!


Just a few hours before lunch that day I had an encounter...I was passing Jacq's work station on my way from the verandah when I noticed something on the tiles...

...it must have crawled out from the newly replaced potted plant...it even got time to poop...

...a closer view of the earth worm...that's quite a poop tiny fella...

...after a few attempts I managed to wrestle it up on the toothpick...

So, this is the deal...
...we abstained from visiting the maggot restaurant as it is now on our blacklist...
...I would still buy my breakfast from the fly restaurant...

Catching up...

...an understatement indeed...

It was indeed a long time since I last blogged...is it caused by what one called the writer's block...I myself chuckled on that excuse...am I out of articles to write...well it is a lame excuse indeed as I have tonnes of things to write actually...okay then...let's just say that I went for a journey to the land of laziness...liked it very much there and decided to stay a while...so much so that I overstayed my visit and got myself stranded willingly...talk about laziness in full force...well I think they have been resting long enough...it is time to let the fingers do their talking again...


Talked about catching up...hhmmm...20 odd years...2 decades is indeed a pretty long time I reckoned...funny thing is, felt like it was only just yesterday...but that was not to be I'm afraid...I aged twice since then...I no longer weigh 40kg...I am no longer the young girl I used to be...against my will I left that life 20 years ago on a one-way trip in the land of no return...I prepared myself for working life...before becoming a wife...before becoming a mother...my new world...my life...all other things became secondary...


I think I was not the only one having to make a 360 degree turn of my life...well, to think that I have a friend who is also living at Sembulan back then...our houses were not that far situated from each other...for the life of me I swore I have never met her after we finished at ITM...except for the once in a blue moon situation where I bumped into an old friend, I guessed that's about it...and then such rare meeting would be cut short by the children's wailing or the spouse's meaningful stare, among others that is...


Then came the FB craze...somehow rather I succumbed easily to this craze unlike its predecessor Friendster and MySpace...even my daughter gave me the oddest-could not believe-big-eye-look when she knew I signed up...I searched and searched for long lost friends and only managed to find a few friends...I could not help thinking...are we really that old?...too old not to be a bit computer savvy...too old not to be having some fun...well, my daughter thought it...


Then out of the blue, a familiar name from the east cost added me in FB...I was pretty happy because I have not heard from her for ages...Darmaliah or Dee as she was affectionately called, messaged me...upon knowing her impending visit to KK, we took this opportunity to hold a small reunion with those staying at KK...since I was pretty incommunicado with most of my friends, I let Dar, as I called her, got the ball rolling...a small voice seemed to tell me that the last minute arrangement would not produce the result that we wanted...it did not deter us at all...even after knowing only a small number could make it...even I myself was not sure I could make it...










...(L to R)...Norhaidah (Pau), Darmaliah (Dee or Dar), yours truly, Diana (Di) and Di's cute niece...






But I did make it...only 4 of us made it...but had a blast we did...we lunched at the Chicken Rice Shop at 1Borneo...we talked and talked and talked...we went down memory lane...we reminisced the good old days...we were 20 years younger...we could not help ourselves...we could not help laughing out loud...we could not help giggling at our own jokes...Dar and Pau were seated next to each other...they would shoved at each other...they would slapped at each other's arms...I thought we were at our former dorm at that time...the 4 of us sitting at the long table outside the dorm...eating hot maggi after long lecture period...Pau and Dar looked just as before...it is hard to think that these two jokers are mothers of grown up children...it will be in no time these two would be getting sons or daughters in laws...wow that would be something to see indeed...

...the 4 of us put our brain together trying to remember everybody from our course...Dar penned down the names on the tissue and we went quite for a while when she wrote down a name...a dear friend who was taken too early...Julena or Jase...Rest in Peace dear...don't worry...you are remembered...I still remembered that I sent you home...we chatted a while and before leaving you gave me a parting gift...a big yellow bee doll...I still remember my friend...I will remember you forever...


Time was really not on our side that day...in the brief limited time, we decided to hold another reunion with the hope of a more merrier attendance before the year end...it would be great to be able to band together with the rest of the girls...it is something I looked forward to...


So, to be or not to be, that is the question...Dar, Di and Pau...I leave it in your good hands to pull this off...


Catching up after 20 odd years...an understatement indeed...
Making up for long lost time for a day...priceless...

Tattoo...

...ehemmmm...
...not body tho'...
but these...








...kakak's...I thought it was not yet finished eventho' she already wore it last Sunday to KK...she told me it represent darkness and light...her interpretation of her drawings...








...Adek's..."cantik kah, cantik kah ni" she asked, showing me a beautiful sketch of heart motif...was a bit surprised when she painted this tho...I guessed it is a bit easier to manipulate only one colour...




..."eh tembirang lah tu kan, suka betul lukis hantu jepun ni" I heard the girls saying as soon as their Uncle Joko return home one night...this was really a surprise tho..."oohhh...ko pakai cat yang baru saya beli pula tu ah" hubby garang2 kunu cakap sama si Joko...he even told us that some of his friends are interested...hmmmmmmm...

...later...

My mothers...

Mak...

I do not need to wait for Mother's Day to remember you by...
Wherever you are...
You're always in my prayer...
Always in my heart...
Rest in peace...
You're in good hands...
You're in a better place...
Till we meet again mak...
Until then...Alfatihah...Amin










...a studio photo when there's only 3 of us siblings...
...except for Bapa's, all our clothes were sewn by mak...
...mak, if only I can taste your cooking one more time...






Mummy...


Thank you for giving me the opportunity...
For letting me be a daughter again...
You're one of a kind...
I am honoured...



...Alli took this photo of mummy holding some mangoes she picked from the small orchard beside the house...a big woman with a big heart to match it...mummy may good health and happiness be with you all the time...


I am blessed...

Inspirations...

Last night...

Hubby told me an inspirational story narrated to him by Chai during their lunch together on last Tuesday...

...some time in the 80s Chai was doing research work at Danum Valley...he met this one gardener who worked there...the gardener was still there when Chai was doing another research work some time in the 90s...

...this gardener is weirdly special...weird because he would take whatever seeds he found and started to plant them...special because in this way he would be able to monitor the progress of the plants, nurtured them, watch them grew and understand them right from their seed...a self-gained knowledge that others might perceive as something that is merely done just to kill time...nothing out of the ordinary tho, after all, he is the gardener...

...but I guessed little did everyone knew that this hands-on-self-gained-knowledge would open up the path to a new world to the gardener...he was very passionate about what he did and over time he became an "expert" on these plants....so much so that when a group of students from the UK were doing their thesis...he was there teaching them about the plants...they were very impressed with his knowledge...I mean who wouldn't...a lowly worker who most of the time did not even deserve a nod of our head...a lowly worker whose existence is none to some of us...

...the gardener was later joined by his nephew at his workplace and he instilled the same passion into him...his indepth knowledge of the plants won the heart of the students that they suggested he went to the UK and worked in one of the green houses there...he went there in 1999 (if I'm not mistaken)...he is still there...still doing what he did when he went there...lecturing!!!

I was very sure about one thing...
...one does not need credentials to change one's life...
...one does not need all the worldly materials to transform one's life...
...it takes a little bit of passion...
...it takes a little bit of confidence...
...it takes a little bit of desire...
...this is what I believe...

I forgot to mention one thing tho about this gardener...oops two things actually...
...from a non-english-talking-person, he is now lecturing in UK...
...it gets even better...the gardener is a Timorese!!!

Talking about inspiration, I was inspired by what I saw in one of the blogs...I was forever harassed by my colleagues to make use of my children's artistics talent...a talent that they inherited from their father...

I have bought all the necessary materials for them to experiment with but their father dearest has beat them to it...

This morning hubby showed me this...he did them last night...an image of the Borneon Bristlehead, the 5 star-endemic-sought-after-close-to-his-heart bird, hand-drawn on one of his hiking boots (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jordansitorus/3185219520/in/photostream/)

...inspirational stories are abound...
...if we look closely, the doors of opportunity are everywhere...
...if we look closely, the windows of opportunity are there...
...we see them...
...but how many take a good look inside...
what we're good at...
what we're best at doing at...
...be a spectator...
...be an audience...
It's no longer enough for me tho...
I'm feeling inspired these past few days...
It's a wonderful feeling...
It's a mighty wonderful feeling when you shared them with your family...

Ticked off...

Last Monday...

Self : Hari ni buli slot in kah...
E : Oohh banyak betul kereta oh...itu orang berbaris sampai luar...besok buli kah...jam 9.00...
Self : Ok...thanks ah...

Last Tuesday...

Self : 2nd service and ada few things yang I mau dorang tengok...saya mau fully synthetic ah...
E : Eh Triton tiada oh...1 jenis saja minyak dia...
Self : Bah ok lah...tolong suruh check ada squeaking sound di bahagian tayar...mau kena kasi greasing...kami suda guna WD40 tapi itu bunyi balik lagi...lepas tu tolong juga suruh dorang check ini ah...kalau 1000rpm ada mau bunyi kasar sikit...
E : Di engine kah...
Self : Inda tau la tuh...time slow ada bunyi macam kasar sikit...
E : Eh kalau gitu dorang mau kena test drive tu...kau mau tunggu kah...
Self : Eh tidak...saya rushing ni...my colleague nanti ambil saya...you call me la kalo sudah siap...


Well, what can I say. Barely into her 2nd month with us, the triton has to go for her 2nd service as she has already ate up 5800km. Pity her tho but she is doing a splendid job in plying the 115km-5-day-ride from Tuaran to Putatan and not to mention the ride up to the mountain every weekend.


Afer lunch I called up the service centre only to be told that it is not ready yet. I was only called back after 3pm to collect the car and reached the office slightly after 4pm.

When hubby reached home that night...I was in the kitchen preparing dinner...

Hubby : Jadi macam mana kereta...
Self : Mau tau...nasib masa masuk kereta, I check bill...adakah dorang charge cuci kereta padahal indada...
Hubby : Adakah dorang buat...
Self : Eh panjang cerita ni...mesti mau cerita perl...
Hubby : (cutting me off)...ya ka tidak...
Self : Tiada lah kali...sampai ofis tadi I ungat-ungat kereta tu masi juga ada bunyi...
Hubby : Aduiiii...ini lah time yang paling bagus...(tone lain macam suda...menengok pun berkerut2 kening)


I somehow felt that he's blaming me for not making sure that all those things were done. I continued with cooking when hubby came behind me...

Hubby : Bukan saya marah sama kau ni ah...
Self : (silent)
Hubby : Kau dengar kah...
Self : Ya lah...(I did not even look at him)


I'm afraid the damage was done. I myself was angry. All of a sudden the chronology of the day's events flashed back into memory. I started to reminisce...all I need was a bit of understanding on the inconveniences I encountered when servicing the car...

1. I called up Aines to fetch me up at the service centre. She somehow rather did not tell me that she had an appointment with a customer that morning. Just because she had to pick me up, she asked the customer to meet her a bit later. I only knew about this when she rushed out again slightly after reaching the office. This is guilt no. 1.

2. I managed to get one of the boys to send me to the service centre. My exact words..."Ada siapa2 free kah nanti? Mau minta tumpang pigi ambil kereta?...to which Toby voluntereed. I knew that nowadays the boys are drowning in their jobs but you would rarely get a disappointing answer from them. As best as they can, they would accommodate your requests, be it official or personal. We're a close knit small community after all. Nearing 3.30pm I buzzed Toby telling him that I would be waiting for him downstairs. I waited for quite a while when he called, asked me to wait coz 'ada kerja sikit' he told me. When he came down, he apologized to me for being late. Geezzz...I think it should be the other way around. This is guilt no. 2.

3. I paid up without even inspecting the bill. Luckily when I was inside the car I pulled out the bill and noticed I was being charged for body and engine wash. Upon inspection I noticed that it was not done as the same stain at the passenger's door is still there. I went back to the payment counter and was given a raincheck on the body and engine wash. I rushed as quickly back to the office. There are tons to do before the Big Man is going away for his leave. I gave the car a shake on the rear tyre, and there it was, the squeaking sound. Somehow I knew then the rest of the request which I scribbled on a piece of paper for them to do was not done. This is ticked off no. 1.

4. I got ticked off no. 2 when hubby started to let go some steam. I also knew that he was not really angry with me but I also could not help feeling that he's blaming me a bit. It's in the tone. It's in the reaction.

I never like it when he asked me to do stuff for the cars. To me, it's a man job. Never like it, never will be. For God's sake I don't even know how to pump up the tyre. I know I should. Basic mah...so what if I don't want to learn. My loss, my own problem.

So now I'm in a semi-silent mode...
Maybe that happens when you live some time apart...communication gets rusty...
Or maybe the timing is not right...it's those monthly thingy...

Maybe I'll go there...
To those "happy" places a lot of people seems to go to...
...whenever they're feeling down...
I don't have it yet...
But I think I'll go here...
...at least this time...

Reunited...

Some time in early January...


With the haste and drastic decision taken during December, hubby and myself decided to take a week off in order to settle the children's schooling matters. It was a tedious task to say the least, going to and fro from the old schools to the new schools. Patience was wearing very thin by the minute and day. I was very concerned with hubby as he was not exactly a patient person but remarkably he weathered the sometimes nonsense issues we encountered from time to time.


One day, during our drive back to KK from the new schools in Tuaran...

Hubby : Macam mau pigi jumpa Big Boss nanti...mau appeal...
Self : Bah mari lah...
Hubby : (taken aback)...hari ni?
Self : Ya lah...we urus la whatever we can urus...radu satu kali ja...
Hubby : Tapi belum submit lagi transfer form...
Self : Ndak peduli la bah tu...your bos kali sudah pun cakap sama head office...


During the drive, hubby started an Answer and Question session with me. I guessed he was a bit jittery meeting the boss and he wanted everything to go well during the meeting. He was a bit miffed when I reluctantly participated...

Hubby : Kita mesti anticipate apa yang boss mau tanya nanti...
Self : Don't worry la bah...I know what to answer nanti...


Hubby might have forgotten that I have done this before with the previous boss. I went alone to see the big man appealing for his transfer from Sandakan to KK.

The meeting was very brief and all the talking was done by hubby. Most of the time I nodded in agreement, put in a few words and smiled, smiled and smiled.

We, or rather I, did not stop there. I followed up the meeting with a letter...a personal letter from me to the big boss. I guessed there are times when we need to emphasise our stance on some matters what more with the ones that involves our lives.






Dear Encik Xxxxx,

First and foremost, I would like to thank you for your generosity in sparing a few minutes of your time to see myself and Jordan last week pertaining to his request for transfer from F.T. Labuan to Kota Kinabalu. We knew how tight your schedule was and we appreciate your gesture very much.

Before I go any further, I would like to apologize to you for any inconvenience caused for writing this letter to you as I see no other option to voice my concern over Jordan’s transfer. My only reason for writing this letter is to seek your utmost consideration for his speedy transfer to Kota Kinabalu.

As we have informed you during the meeting, the wellbeing and welfare of our children are of paramount importance. For stability and security purposes, we have uprooted them from their urban schools in Kota Kinabalu and transferred them to Tuaran. I guessed in the process we have underestimated the culture shock that they would encounter towards their new schools. I have to admit that I could no longer handle matters concerning the children alone and they on the other hand desperately need their father’s support and guidance. I would not want to sound imposing but rather implore for your utmost kindness to expedite his transfer.

As a wife, I believed that I have been very supportive towards Jordan’s career all this while to the extent of willingly to live separately. All this while even with difficulty we manage to carry on with our lives but the children’s new development made us aware that it has taken a toll on them, be it emotionally as well as education wise. As parents and I believed as any parents faced with this kind of situation, we could not simply put a blind eye to this matter any longer.

Encik Xxxxx, I think I have taken much of your time but before I penned off I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your support towards Jordan’s career enhancement. I would also like to take this opportunity to once again plead for your utmost consideration for Jordan’s speedy transfer to Kota Kinabalu.

Your kindness and compassion towards the above matter is highly appreciated.

Thank you.



I prayed...
Hubby prayed...
The children prayed...

19 March 2009...
...we are whole again...

Our new life...

Little did I know...


Some time in December last...at the office...before Christmas...

Momoi : Bah siapa cuti time buka school...
Aines : I mau cuti...
Momoi : Ko Ton?
Self : Inda la.....
Momoi : Kenapa pula ko inda cuti?
Self : Anak2 I kan continue ja...Aines sebab Ally baru masuk Darjah 1...


Some time in December last...at home...after Christmas...

Hubby : So, how? Ita said better if Kakak school di Tuaran...
Self : (silent)
Hubby : Bagus juga kalau si Adek pun di sana...Alli stay with us la...
Self : (long silent)
Hubby : Ada juga betul cakap si Ita tu...PMR ni ok lagi...SPM ni si Kakak perlu tempat yang tenang...
Self : (still silent)
Hubby : Jadi apa pikiran?


I pondered heavily on the recent incident that had happened before...
...that is still happening...
...that is showing no sign of receding...

I closed my eyes...
Deep in thought...
Playing and rewinding my memory...
And in the shortest span of record time...
I reached a lightning decision...
A do or die decision...
A decision that I believed I should have taken a long time ago...
Just because I was a coward...
Just because I was afraid...


Then I dropped the bombshell...

Self : Kalau kita semua pindah pun ok juga bah...
Hubby : Hah...betul bah ni...(was hubby in a BIG surprise, big caused I rejected this idea before and I was never short of excuses then...)
Self : Betul bah...
Hubby : Betul?
Self : Iya...
Hubby : Betul bah ni...
Self : Iya bah...kalau dipikir-pikir apa juga yang I mau ni actually...apa yang mau dikejar sebenarnya...kesian budak2 tu...lama suda dorang suffering...
Hubby : Bole suda call Mummy kasi tau dorang this news...
Self : (nodding)


So, in a flash we left our present life behind just as 2008 is closing its chapter.
We prepared ourselves for the upheavel and ruckus that we knew is coming as 2009 is closing in.
When we broke the news to the children, we noticed that they received it with mixed feelings.
Happy caused they loved living at kampung, a friend once told me..."heran juga anak2 kau ni...orang mati2 mau pigi bandar...dorang pula suka di kampung"...
Sad because they are leaving their friends behind...


After all the hiccups of moving house...
After all the glitches of switching school...
After all the seemingly endless lectures and comfort talks...
We ride through the stormy blend of emotional turmoil...
We drive right ahead through the foggy journey...
We received come what may with open arms...
We received come what may with open hearts...


Caused we knew...
There is nothing more sweeter in this world...
Nothing beats the feeling...
...of being at home sweet home...

...hubby and Alli burning the rubbish...di KK inda pernah dapat buat gini...

...under hubby's supervision, Alli could not seem to go far away from the fire...

...Kakak and Adek joined in...

...kakak and Alli played their old bikes...

...Tiger, the puppy that Uncle Dohoi gave to mummy likes to follow the children biking...

...Tiger seemed to listen to what hubby said...

...hubby mowing the lawn...

...still mowing biar sudah gelap...semangat...

My, my, my...
How very little did I know...

The greatest gift...

Life is indeed strange…
When you’re not looking…when you’re not searching…
There he was…out of nowhere…holding out his hand to you…
Come with me…he gestured to you…
Follow me…he seemed to say…
Is it a figment of your imagination?
Is your mind playing tricks on you?
You become confused…you hesitated…

Is he mad, you asked yourself…
You looked hard at yourself…
You looked at him…
You looked at yourself again…
Yes, that is what he is…he is mad you said to yourself…

Is he playing a prank on you, you can’t help asking yourself again…
You are not sure…you are not certain…
One thing you are sure of…
You are never going to let your guard down…
You are never going to let yourself down…
That’s what you think…that’s what you told yourself

Yet you took his hand…yet you let him lead you away…
Still uncertain…still unsure…

Like a chapter from your favourite Mills and Boon…
Like a beautiful dream embracing your silent nightly slumber…
A tall, dark, handsome man…
A knight in shining amour…
Dashing into your life…
Turning your life topsy turvy…

In your vulnerability…you tried to shoo him away…
In your vulnerability…you hurled hurtful words just so he will walk away…
…go away now, when you still have the chance…
…go away now, before it’s too late…

But that’s the strangest thing…
He wouldn’t budge no matter what…he swallowed all the bitter words…
He braved the storms ahead…he smiled at you still holding his hand out…
For he knew something which you did not know…
For he believed something which you did not believe…
He believes that there is you and him…
He believes in us…

Throwing all cautions into the wind…
Taking the whirlwind romance in your stride…
You took his hand…you hold it tightly…
You no longer want to let go…you no longer want him to let go…
You open up your heart…you let him come into your heart…
Be gentle with my heart…you implore silently…
Be kind with my heart…you plead quietly…
For I give you my heart wholeheartedly…
For I offer you my life commitment…

Babe…
Thank you for the music…

Luv,
your valentine

Awakening...

I saw...yet I see through it...
I heard...yet I just keep on listening...
I did not pretend I did not see it...
I did not pretend I did not hear it...
That's just it...
I just let it happened...
Again...
...and again...


It was the 29th of December 2008...
Something happened that day...
Something that had happened before...
Something that finally resulted in a drastic decision...
Something that made my nerve snapped harder than before...
The catalyst for the things that I should have done before...
A long long time ago...


So I've decided...that's it...
So I've decided...this is it...
I've decided I do not want to be that person again...
I've decided I do not want to be in that position again...

...last year I was this...
...slow and steady...
...miss goody two shoes...

...this year I am this...
...colourful as colourful can be...
...roaring and ready to rock and roll...

I have to bear in mind tho' that things won't go my way as fast as I wish...
I have to bear in mind tho' that things won't be the way I want it to be right away...
I guessed what has been said all this while is true...
It is a virtue indeed...
...that is what it is ...
All I need to do...
All I have to do now...
...is just be patient...