All our love...

It was slightly after 11.00 pm last night...

The cough syrup from his last visit did not do the trick...
Instead of subsiding, Alli's cough was getting non-stop...
He pestered me to bring him to see the doctor...an abnormality on his part...a signal that he could not longer withstand the pain...
Upon reaching the clinic, I then decided to also see the doctor...seemed to experience breathing discomfort for the last few days...short interval of breathing time...

Dr : Kamu pernah asma kan?
Self : Kalau time batuk kuat or selesma...
Dr : Sekarang kamu asma ni...I give you this ubat...kuat sikit...jantung akan laju sikit bergerak...jangan takut...
Self : Ok...
Alli : Can you make it quick please...(he was already sitting down next to the Dr's table)
Dr : Why you want to make it quick (still scribbling down my medication)...
Alli : I'm freezing (the aircond was behind him)...
Dr : Ok la...I'll be quick...

I could not help looking at my watch...
It was past 11.45pm...
Waiting for the medication was like waiting forever...
It was getting on my nerve...
I need to go home fast...
I need to get the children ready...
Ready before the clock strikes 12.00am...
Ready for this...

...we gathered together and sang...
...happy birthday to you...
...happy birthday to you...
...happy birthday to you daddy...
...happy birthday to you...
...thank you Skype...

It was fun...
Fun because we were shoving each other so that hubby could see us...
Fun when I recalled Adek saying..."jaga ah kalau siapa suara sumbang"...
Fun when we sang out loud to hubby...

But it was also sad at the same time...
Sad because we could not give hubby the customary hugs and kisses...
Sad because he is all alone there...
Sad because we do not have him here with us...

Babe...
...all my love...
...all our love...
...my knight in shining amour...
...our pillar of strength...
Luv u...

p.s. Nikon D300 or the rumoured Nikon D400 c/w video...hmmmm... ;)

Long break...

Last Thursday...

Boss : Buat surat cuti I...

Self : Bila you mau cuti...

Boss : 15 to 19...

Self : Eh, sama macam Anies bos...

Boss : Aik, I tak nampak lagi pun atas meja I ni...

Self : Ada with me, nanti I bagi...I pun mau cuti juga bos...Sai pun...

Boss : You bila mau cuti...

Self : ...sini sampai sini...(pointing to his calendar)...

Boss : Eh, lamanya...

Self : Cuti sekolah kan boss...husband I pun cuti juga...

Boss : You mau pergi mana cuti lama2 ni...

Self : (dalam hati jawab...suka hati I la)...Sandakan...

Boss : Nak tangkap gambar burung lagi...

Self : Ya...

Boss : Di KK pun banyak burung juga...

Self : Colour ndak cantik boss...di sana colourful...

Boss : Ada orang di office ka nanti...

Self : Ya...Anies balik dari cuti suda tu...Sai pun ada...

Boss : Hmmm...I pun belum lagi belajar camera I tu (tukar tajuk)...

Self : Ya ka boss...bagus you kasi camera tu sama saya (mau kena penampar punya soalan)...

Boss : Hah...

Self : (cabut terus)...

After lunch...

...nasib baik kena approve...

Our proposed itinerary for Sandakan trip...


Period : 20 to 23 Dec 2009
Accommodation : Alphon's house


20 Dec : Fly to Sandakan on early morning flight...might take breakfast before proceeding to RDC...(this time round must ensure ample titbits to alas perut, lesson learned from last trip...the guys can do without lunch when it comes to birding...)
21 Dec : ...berkampung di RDC...
22 Dec : Ditto...
23 Dec : Fly back to KK on early morning flight...(in time to get all those christmas presents for the kids, nieces and nephew...I am pretty late getting those this year...if not for Christmas we might be staying longer...takut juga nanti kena cakap anak derhaka)...



Hopefully...
...everything goes well as planned...
Hopefully...
...Chai & CC can make this trip...(this trip will be joined by Ron and Hazel, a first to RDC for her)
Hopefully...
...I could muster stronger self-discipline when photographing the birds...
Hopefully...
...this irritating back ache will stop tormenting me and make a speedy departure...
hope above hope...

Above all...
...time together with hubby...
...that's all that matters...
...above all...

No more la mum...

They would shove everything that cannot fit into their jeans pocket into my handbag...when I offered them to use one of my handbags...

Adek : Eh mum...macam orang tua...


Hubby saw me inspecting it while browsing at Sport Mart...

Hubby : Banyak suda beg di rumah...


So, when I showed it to the girls during our weekend outing, the weekend when hubby did not come down to KK...

Self : Ok ka ni...
Kakak : Yup...tapi mau buat apa...
Self : For you to bawa jalan2 la...selalu mau dump everything dalam handbag mummy...
Kakak : Tiada color hitam ka...
Self : Tiada...

...bought this so dorang ndak jalan limbai2...

Hubby noticed kakak using it...

Hubby : Beg baru ka...
Kakak : Ya, mummy kasi beli...


Hubby only noticed these when waiting for our food at Peppermint...








...hers and hers...









Hubby : Ai...masing2 pula kamu ni...
Kakak & Adek : (grinning)
Self : Ndak mau sharing suda...


Last weekend...

Alli : Alli mau beg macam kakak...


...no comment...

It just won't go away...

I was bending down to get cold water from the water dispenser when I felt a sort of snapping sensation at the lower part of my right backside.

Oops...I thought...

Oopssssss...I thought...when I could not stand upright...

It took a while for me to properly stand...thought nothing of it...thought it will go away in a short while...

...but was I really wrong about it...far beyond...it made itself present as the minutes go by...as stubborn as I am, I did not pay hoot to it despite the "pulling" pain I felt whenever I lifted myself up from my chair...

...so just went ahead with lunch...well, it is not always you twisted somebody's arms in our office and got the result you wanted...you just need to synchronize the time, day and mood perfectly...we went ahead and ordered a gondo'ot feast and waited for the rest of the guys to join us at Gayang after Friday prayer...

...despite the yummylicious food, I felt most uncomfortable during lunch...I started to break pespiration on my forehead...at first I thought because of a spicy dish...up till the moment I felt cold sensation on my forehead...I knew then something was terribly wrong...

...Momoi suggested that we dropped Anies and Sai at the office after lunch before sending me to clinic...I refused the offer tho...I wanted to do things one shot...drove myself to the clinic and went straight home afterwards...

...While at the office, I had a change of heart...the backpain is so unbearable by this time...I told the girls that I will just go home and will visit the doctor in the evening...I so desperately need to just lie down...

...driving was an effort itself especially when making even the slightest of turning...lucky it's an auto...I was passing the Masjid Bandaraya when I started to feel a cramp on my right thigh...I was really scared by then...quickly changed lanes and headed to our panel clinic at Likas...it was not my regular but that will do at that time...

...I was given a jab and some medications...

...that was last Friday...

...today is Friday...

...instead of subsiding it came in full force last night...the pain was so intense that putting on one undies is an effort that requires some ingenuity just so one does not experience that unforgiving pain...the recovery is not meant to be sooner that one thought...

...pray tell me, how on earth one could have a swift recovery when one had to mount this staircase a few times in a day...bijak betul orang yang pilih tingkat paling atas untuk ofis siorang...

...smsed the girls that I will be in late...just got to get another jab...this time round I went to my regular physician...

...need to get better by tomorrow...
...tomorrow's affair is very important...
...a visit to 1Borneo is top on the itinerary...
...the smashing christmast decos I saw when blog hopping...
...for the kids' enjoyment of course...
...for mum and dad...
...what else...
...the KK Bird Fair exhibit...
of course...

Touched...

It was way way past 5.45pm...

Self : Dui...kenapa bos tu ndada perasaan mau pulang...
Aines : Ya kenapa tu...
Self : Ndak kan dia mau aku kasi siap juga sekarang...aku shutdown suda...ndak buli suda aku kerja ni...betul2 ndak tahan...

After a while...

Boss : Ton...bole siap ka...
Self : Bole bos...I buat di rumah...
Boss : Ok good...

Much as I hate it, I have to do it at home...submission dateline is tomorrow...
I was not in the best of health...
I could hardly bring myself up this morning...
I was aching all over the body...
Block nose...runny nose...spinning head...aching back...blister in the mouth...the list just go on and on...
I desperately need to lie down...

It was already dark when we adjourned from the office...
I dragged myself to Giant...remembered that I need to buy rice...
It was drizzling...well, just great...just what I need to further worsen this uninvited ailment...

When I reached home, I had a surprise...the kids were waiting for me...

Kakak : Mummy cakap mummy sakit...kenapa ndak ambil cuti...
Self : Sakit la ba ni...banyak betul kerja mummy...ada lagi mau buat malam ni...
Kakak : Apa mummy mau makan...
Self : Kakak masak saja la apa2...

I was tremendously touched by their gesture...all of them took the groceries away...Adek did not say anything...she just hugged me...

While waiting for Kakak to finish cooking, I started to blog...a measly attempt to loosen up those tired and sleepy body muscles...

Alli : Mummy pinjam laptop mummy sekejap...
Self : Ala ndak bole...mummy ada homework ni...
Alli : Tapi mummy blogging ni...
Self : Sekejap saja ni...mummy betul2 ada homework...tinguk dalam envelope tu...

So, here I am...
Waiting for dinner time...
Trying very hard not to surrender to that devilish whisper in my ears...
...tidur...tidur...besok ja buat...kalau sakit buat la gaya sakit..
Ohhhh...the temptation...

...why oh why did you decide to come home with me tonight...

Ok people...
...brain, hands, fingers, eyes...
...ready or not...
let's do this...

Not at all...

I could smell it in the air...
The unpleasantness...
I could sense it in the tone...
The dissatisfaction...
I could detect it in the gesture...
The annoyance...

It's not as if I got my head snapped off...
It's not as if I got yelled to the ground...
Nothing of the kind...
I was told off in a nice kind of way...


Man : This one no need (scrapped off), this one also (scrapped off) , this one juga (scrapped of)...no more issue, why you need to put this in...
Self : That's why...I know no more issue but I'm following the new format...
Man : No, no...(scrapping off some more)...


After a while, as I was about to leave the room...

Man : Hah, siap cepat...lepas ni no more function, function ni...we kena submit paper this Thursday kan...
Self : Ya tiada function suda...Friday submission tu...
Man : Hah, kena cepat, I tak nak kecoh-kecoh lagi...
Self : Ok...

I guessed I chose the wrong word when I texted him this morning...
...function...somehow rather this word got him ticked off...
...got to be more careful when using this word in future...


So, for a while there, I let the feeling wander...
Wandered silently in...
...for a while only...

....arrgggghhhhh

It was not my intention...
...to come in late this morning...
It was not my intention...
...to ruffle his feathers this morning...
No one in their right mind would do that...
No one would be stupid enough to let that happen
...not at all...

Giojo and Joshua Pudin's birthday party...

Skyped with Ron on 31st Oct...

Self : cuba cita sikit apa fav character bebudak tu...pening I mo mencari bahan yang mau dibawa...
Ron : BEN 10
Self : Dua2...
Ron : Dua dua pun gila Ben 10...

Ben 10 it is then...
Searched high and low that day...no luck...
Searched high and low the following day with hubby...bingo...

The party started off at 3 pm onwards...
Kakak and Adek decided to stay behind...Adek was not feeling well...
...ada magic show, I told them...
...ndak apa la, they said...
Alli on the other hand was roaring to go...

Alli, Joshua and Giojo greeting Banana...

...Giojo Pudin...

Joshua Pudin...

...kenapa tu Josh...kena marah big brother kali...

...the main attraction of the party...Apple and Banana...

...me, me, me, Alli said...kept holding his ballon up...takut kena potong queue...

...Giojo and Alli tunggu giliran...

...terkezut I bila si Bob...oops si Apple...suddenly berlutut and started posing for the camera...

...started to shoot mummy down with his machine gun...belum puas lagi...use the sword to chop mummy lagi...

...happy betul si Josh with his sword...

...getting ready for the magic show...

...Giojo holding up his hand to answer a question and answer session prior to the magic show...sadly to say my last photo before my batt went kaput...

...everybody was dog tired I believed...
...everybody was happy with the outcome I am sure...

So, mummy and daddy Pudin rewarded themselves...
...a day trip to the Crocker Range the next day...
...a day trip with mummy and daddy Sitorus...
...a day trip with the beastmaster...
...a day trip to be told at a later date...

Sora...

...it was our great pleasure...
...farewell...
...our sweet, sweet boy...

On fire...

Texted boss yesterday at 7.28am...

Boss sorry...I ndak dpt masuk ofis hari ni..my son develop high fever last night..102...kurang tidur sikit n I mau monitor dia dulu...sorry boss...

Boss texted back at 7.29am...

K

Alli started to develop highfever nearing midnight. I persuded him a few times to go to the clinic but he refused...

Alli : Lambat suda ni mum...Alli mau tidur...besok kita pigi...

I then put a wet towel on his forehead...it dried up quickly...
I then noticed that his lips and face slowly turning red...
I then noticed that he started shaking his left foot...
I persuaded him no more and started to bundle him up to go to the clinic...

Self : Mari, mari...kita mesti pigi sekarang...mummy tau u mengantuk...you sleep in the car...
Alli : Tapi Alli pening ba mummy...
Self : Don't worry...mummy ada...mummy will hold you tight ok...nanti kalau suda makan ubat mesti panas Alli kurang...nenek selalu cakap kan...kalau sakit tu mesti sebab mau tinggi...
Alli : Mari measure mummy...Alli suda tinggi ka...
Self : (measuring his height at the wall)...ya oh...tinggi suda...
Alli : (grinning)...

We arrived at the clinic at around 11.35pm and was told if we could wait for about 20minutes as the doctor is attending a house call...while waiting Alli fell asleep in my lap...

Doctor : Ok kita sumbat ubat di pantat...panas kuat...
Self : Berapa temperature doktor...
Doctor : 102...

...Alli fell asleep again while waiting for the medicine...kasian ni anak...

We reached home a little bit after 12 midnight.
I gave Alli his antibiotic and cough syrup before we turned in for the night.
I tidur-tidur ayam, consistenly checking up on Alli.
I was about to fell deep into slumber when I felt some sort of sting on my arm.
It was no sting.
It was Alli. He was burning up. He was on fire.
I rose up quickly to switch on the light when I heard him calling out to me.

Alli : Mummy...Alli rasa Alli macam panas suda...
Self : It's ok baby...mari bangun...mummy kasi makan ubat...

I did not wait until daylight to give him the pill. I need to do something.
Before resuming our sleep, I turned on the air conditioner to cool off the room (did not switch it on earlier as he was feeling cold despite his body's searing heat).
I checked the clock, it was 4.30am.

On que,the alarm went off at 4.45am...
Time to wake the girls up...

Yesterday...
...huge headache...
...lack of sleep...

Today...
...migraine...
...boss in the office...

No more...

All this while I blamed the uneven road surface...
All this while I blamed the "wavy" road condition...
It did cross my mind...
It did cross hubby's mind...
Nay...
Cannot be...
That's what we thought...

We were nearing the house when we heard that sound.
We thought the tyre caught a stray plastic bag...
We thought the tyre picked up a stray branch...
Upon checking...no signs of any plastic bag...no signs of any tree branch...

The sound reappeared a few minutes early morning on the drive to airport to send hubby. The sound reappeard again on my way down from the flyover near the UMNO building.

When I reached home, I was determined to find the cause of that unsettling flapping sound. I parked the car and had a 45 degree turning of the tyres.

The sight that awaits me was distressing to say the least.


Front right tyre...

...(gulp)...first time I ever drive kena tayar gini...

Front left tyre...

...mama mia!!!...I could not believe that I have been ferrying around the kids with this tyre...

Brother : Ko tinguk ni Long...dorang kasi dalam ba bunga ni...ndak rata potongan dorang...
Self : Ya ndak nampak betul kalo dari luar (*&^%$#@!+*)


I suddenly recalled this conversation some time in last May or June...

Mechanic : Mo tukar suda tayar ko oh...buat alignment pun masi gitu juga...
Self : Ya mau tukar la tu...saya suda chek hari tu...mau RM300 lebih juga satu bijik oh kalau size gini...
Mechanic : Ada kawan saya...dia punya mercedes mau tukar tayar...bridgestone punya brand...besar sikit dari size ko ni...masih tebal lagi...RM180 saja satu bijik...
Self : Bah ko arrange la...aku harap sama ko...

I refused to believe that my mechanic (I don't really like to use this word) "cheated" me. I knew that he sent my car to the other workshop to have the tyre change as he do not provide that service. I want to bersangka baik sama dia. Knew him for quite a while suda


At the tyre workshop...

Boy : Wow...ini bukan tayar lagi ni...
Self : Tunggu, tunggu...mau ambil gambar dulu supaya ada bukti...

I will show the photos whenever I see my mechanic next time and will further inform him that in a few months span, I have to fork out yet RM700 for 2 new pieces tyre...it is actually a small price to pay compared to the safety of the children...can't blame anyone I guess...my fault totally...

Well then, what more can I say...

Taken for a ride...
...I have been...
Taken for a ride...
...I will no more...

Essential aquisition...

Haven't gotten around to narrate my recent trip to Sandakan.
My lappy has been giving me unncessary hassles that would require a trip to Karamunsing in the very near future to seek that unavoidable treatment.
I am not happy.
I think Kakak is also not happy.
I have imposed myself on her lappy.

But I am happy about other things.
Things that somehow imposed themselves on myself as well as hubby.
Things which we are obliged to acquire.
As a result of the trip to Sandakan.


Essential No. 1...

...I have no proper camera bag...used this customized bag that was previously used by hubby during his early involvement in photography...borrowed Adek's bag to transport the camera around during the Sandakan trip...

Self : Can buy me camera bag ka?
Hubby : Can...
Self : This one? (sling version)
Hubby : Ndak berapa practical...
Self : You choose la...you know better...

So, hubby bought me this...

...just nice...sufficient enough to store my Canon 400D and other small camera thingy things...

...my new camera bag...Lowepro Flipside 200...thanks babe...

Essential No. 2...

It got torn during one of our trips to the Crocker Range at Tambunan if memory served me right.

It was not a big tear really.

I guessed what really upset hubby was the fact that it did not meet his heavy dutiness expectation.

His Columbia trekking shoes that is.

So we looked around.

Not that must find now-must have now kind of looking around.

Just looking around.

Finally on Deepavali holiday...

...highly recommended by Seng...Salomon trekking shoes...lucky it has a 30% discount...

I am happy with my aquisition.
Hubby is happy with his aquisition.
But hubby is finding himself in a dilemma now...
Can't make up his mind...
Can't arrive at a decision...
Whatever decision you will arrive at...eventually...
I support you all the way...
For me babe...
...I'm doing just fine...

A debt settled...

Monday...

Momoi : Eh, ya...mana suda tu Ton? Kalau kau ndak cakap tadi lupa suda aku...
Self : Susu expire...

Kakak : You buat?
Self : Ndak...susu rosak...


Tuesday...

The same question from office mates...additional info provided...

Self : Ndada susu tu di kawasan I...

Alli : Mummy cakap mau buat...
Self : Rosak susu tu baby...


Wednesday...

The same question from office mates...the same excuse provided...they give me the solution...

Momoi : Nes, cuba dulu kau kasi beli dia susu tu...
Anies : Brand apa juga susu tu...
Self : Betul ni...my place ndada susu tu...ndak biasa guna susu lain...

Thursday...

Cleaner : Besok jangan pula kamu beli makanan...
Self, Anies, Momoi : Syukur-syukur...
Self : kalau aku dapat susu malam ni...
Anies : Kasi jadi la malam ni...I kan mau belayar Monday...nanti kempunan pula...

...these...

...has finally move to another step...

...2nd final journey...

...end of journey...

Our lady cleaner has informed us that she will be bringing the kolopis tomorrow...we did not ask her if that entails the full set...kuah sate perhaps...rendang perhaps...curry perhaps...whatever dish you presented, besar tapak tangan nyiru kami tadahkan Kakak...

So, in the morning, 2nd floor will be a bit happening tomorrow...
So, in the morning, 2nd floor will have a mini raya party tomorrow...
Before we adjourn to another raya mini party...
...ehem...
...lunch at 1Borneo...

(pics taken with my BB)
(was supposed to post this last night...an update...our kakak brought chicken curry, kuah kacang, kolopis and nasi himpit...bless you kakak)...

Unwelcome...

Abhorrence to the core...
I don't know about the others...
but that's what I felt...
the moment I was made aware of the fact...

Honestly speaking, don't you just detest it if someone would just lend themselves your things without having the decency of asking you first...
How do you think Nasha Aziz felt when she discovered that some jerk had done a peeping tom on her?...

And pray tell me how on earth would you react when you got wind that someone could access things that you never share with them...things that you considered private...for your eyes only...meant for you...not others...

Dumbfounded...
Flabbergasted...
Astounded...
Incredulous...
Speechless...
...take your pick...

Well, let me just say this...

...this relationship does not give us any authority to cross into each other's boundry...

...this is my box...I stay in my own box...you stay in yours...
...unless I invited you in, of course...

So, how about it...
...invade my privacy, please don't...
...intrude my space, don't even think of going there...

never ever...
never again...

(pics taken with my BB)

Affection...

Into the afternoon, the weather turned ghastly.
If not for the pelting of the rain against our heavily tinted office window, we would not have known that sunny Monday morning decided to change its appearance come afternoon, conveniently at the time to fetch Alli from school.

...the Twister movie never fail to come into mind each time I come across mother earth's preview of her powerful strength before unleashing her wrath...

When I reached the school, Alli came running to me, a bit wet...ndak sah kalau ndak basah time hujan...I decided to treat him to lunch at the canteen...he ordered mi basah ayam and myself nasi goreng kampung...

...I guessed he must be very hungry coz he ate in silence and concentrated on his food...very rare this tabiat...

While waiting for him to finish his lunch, I recalled our recent lunch at a Malay stall located inside a chinese restaurant across the road from All Saint's School. I had rojak daging minus the veges...Adek and Alli both decided to have soto ayam. After I finished my rojak, I started feeding Alli the noodles...

Adek : Eh...budak tahun 2 masih kena suap ka mum...
Self : Affectionate ba ni...mum and dad selalu buat ba...mum pun suap dad...
Adek : In public?
Self : Yes...
Adek : (silent)

Then I recalled another incident at Alli's school...
He would normally kissed my hand before we parted and at one time when I wanted to hug him, he became stiff. I noticed that his eyes starting to roam about looking for the other kids. I guessed he was embarrassed if one of his friends caught him while we hugged. I quickly gave him a brief hug. During the drive home that day...

Self : You malu ka tadi masa mum mau hug you...
Alli : (silent)
Self : You afraid your friend laugh at you ka...
Alli : Ya...
Self : It's OK...kalau dorang ketawa sama you...you cakap my mum loves me very much and I love my mum very much...

We never broached that subject again afterwards and I guessed no one laughed at him or teased him as up until today our routine remain...
...kissed mum's hand...
...a quick peck on the mouth, forehead, cheek...
...a hug...
...sometimes in the corridor, sometimes in the classroom...he just could not seem to be bothered with his friends...
...sometimes we repeat the aksi for the 2nd time
OK juga la...but sometimes dia lebey-lebey...snuggle2 his face on my chest like he used to do at home...manja betul budak ni...

Last night as I was browsing through old photos...I remembered something funny when I came upon a particular photo during the family trip to the Crocker Range...

We left the children behind to set up the tent before proceeding further uphill for bird photography...
Upon our return to the resting hut, we overheard this conversation coming from inside the tent...

One sister : Tepi! Tepi!
Other sister : Eh jauh sikit la...
Self : Kenapa juga tu...jangan la gaduh...
Kakak : Alli ni bah...mau dekat-dekat saja...
Self : Biar la bah dia...dia suka snuggle2 ba tu..kan dia biasa buat gitu sama mum...
Kakak : Ya tau...tapi mum...dia ni...kakak ndak suka...dia macam...
Self : Macam apa...
Kakak : Meraba ba mum...

All of us burst out laughing out loud after that...we just could not help ourselves...

Self : Tidur dekat kakak saja...jangan pegang2 dia...
Alli : Sejuk ba mum...
Self : Pakai blanket...nanti kakak pukul you, mummy ndak tau tu ah...


Affection...how does one describe an affectionate gesture...
...a subjective matter...
...a matter of one's opinion...

Without going overboard...
I am not afraid to hold hands while walking with hubby.
I am not afraid to give him a hug everytime we meet at the airport.
I am not afraid to give him a quick peck on the cheek nor the mouth when we parted.
Mengada-ngada, some people would perceive it...so be it...
Menunjuk-nunjuk, some people would interprete it...so be it...

For me...
...a way of showing to hubby and the kids...
...a means of demonstrating to hubby and the kids...
...that I love them...
...that I cherish them...
...no words needed...
...no vocal required...

My affection...
...my version
...my way...

Facebook...

On her way to the toilet yesterday...

Adek : Mum, you're on facebook...
Self : Hmmmm...
Adek : You're on facebook???
Self : Why, anything wrong?
Adek : Auntie Aines also...
Self : Yes...
Adek : Auntie Sal?
Self : No...
Adek : Auntie Amoi?
Self : No...
Adek : Eeeehhh...you're on facebook...
Self : Kenapa juga?
Adek : Ndak la...
Self : You on facebook ka?
Adek : No la...I don't know how...(ndak tau konon...padahal ada friendster)...






My dear daughter...mum also got friends la...mum is looking for her lost friends...from her earlier life that is, Sabah College, UiTM, Sabah Gas Industries (now defunct), Petronas, Celcom...if along the way mum find new friends...that will be just fine...

Got hooked on Facebook only last week...kejangkitan dari c Anies...she signed up quite a while ago and only recently became active...I became interested when she told me that some of our friends are also on facebook...friends that I somehow managed to "misplace" and quite surprisingly two of them is working just a stone throw away from our office...hari2 limpas UMS...sana pula dorang...

Sunday...hubby called while on his way to Maggie's open house in Labuan...

Hubby : Buat apa...
Self : Mau blogging tapi ndak dapat...connection buruk...tinguk2 facebook...
Hubby : Ohhh...
Self : You sign up nanti ah...
Hubby : Ok...
Self : Sign up sebab ndak dapat simpan nama you...
Hubby : You sign up for me la nanti...you know la my wireless tu...ndak reliable...


I have not sign him up yet as the connection at home is lousy to say the least...

...blogging is a frustrating effort that would eventually if you're not really careful draw out that fiery monster that you would normally tried with all your might to abstain from surfing...why one would ask...because it's the weekend...and you have nothing to do...and the astro's programmes did not amuse you nor did they entertain you at all...I changed the port as suggested by hubby...still nothing substantial happened...the problem hangs around for you to fret about...

...and facebooking, well, I can write and upload photos but my patience was really on edge...one would ask, why edgy...how can I not...you typed 20 words...they did not come out instantly...they took their own sweet time and appeared...o.n.e...a.t...a...t.i.m.e...s.l.o.w.l.y...

So, Babe, if your connection is good don't forget to sign up...(FYI, blogging from office ni...shhhh)
And Ron, if you're reading this, if you consider me as friend, take la my invitation dari facebook tu...

Sorry ladies...

I told them I would do it this weekend.
They told me to do it tonight.
It seems...

...these 2 essential ingredients would not turn into the Kek Batik you ladies wanted...

So, tomorrow...we finished off dulu the Kek Lapis boss gave us today...
So, tomorrow...we go to Karamunsing and try to find the perfect dress for that friend of ours...
So, tomorrow...we go to Karamunsing to do a minor make over to that other friend of ours...
So, tomorrow...that particular friend of ours will gigit jari if she sees yet again another beautiful bag that she knows perfectly well will burst her budget...

No bag...
No bag...
Pleaseeeeee...

My little man...

Alli (his maternal grandfather) Izzette (a Turkish footballer) Presley (who else if not the King of Rock and Roll)...


Scene 1...

I once had a fall out with Adek...

Alli : Mummy...you say sorry to Kakak Adek la...she tidak angry suda...
Self : Why mummy must say sorry to her...mummy don't know why she angry...she is being very rude to mummy...
Alli : Biar la bah mum...Alli don't like...
Self : Mummy also don't like...mummy angry now...
Alli : Don't angry la mum...Alli want us to be happy family...

Self : Ok la...but mummy don't want to talk now...now mummy want quite only...

Alli the peacemaker...Alli the mediator...how you surprised your mum that day...


Scene 2...

I blew my top when Alli made a big scene during lunch at Karamunsing's Singapore Chicken Rice...I did something which did not go down well with hubby...when Alli started to cry, I got chided by hubby...BIG TIME I might add...I drove the car to pick Adek up in silent mode...hubby tried to get me into conversation and when I did not utter any response...

Alli : Daddy...jangan marah mummy...Alli yang salah...
Hubby : Alli tau apa yang Alli suda buat salah...
Alli : Alli tidak listen and Alli bising-bising...sakit mummy cubit tadi...tapi sekarang tidak sakit suda...tapi Alli yang salah...Alli tidak behave...Alli bad...

I beg to differ my son...I was a bad mom that day...I am also a mom who loves her son to pieces...


Scene 3...

One night Kakak asked me a girl's question...the morning after, at dawn, Kakak, still groggy from sleep came into the other room asking me about something...Alli was behind her and I nearly burst out loud when I heard...

Alli : Kakak...selesa ka...(apparently he overheard our conversation last night)...

Kakak : (very silent...wrinkled her eyebrow...no response)...

Self : (bulat biji mata and trying mighty hard not even to smile)...

Early morning lesson...look around before we have our girls' talk next time around...Alli should be counting his lucky stars that his Kakak is still in the semi-fully-awaken state that morning...I could imagine perfectly what would happen if your Kakak is wide awake...phewww...

Oh ya...just in case you're wondering...Kakak's question...to wear or not to wear the brassiere to sleep...

How time flies...

I still call him baby..."I'm still a baby ka mum?" he said one day...I pulled him closer to me and whispered into his ear..."Don't tell anyone ok? It's our secret. Even when you are big nanti, you will always be mum's baby"...to which he gave me a big grin and nodded in agreement..."Promise mum, I will always be your baby" he said..."Promise" I answered...then we hooked our little fingers together...our official gesture...to seal the promise...

...Alli Jordan...(Michael Jordan's wannabe?)...hmmm...

Mum's little baby is fast becoming mum's little boy...
Mum's little boy is fast becoming mum's little man...
You can bring the best out of mum my sweet son...
You can also bring the beast out of your mum my beautiful son...

But don't forget...
And always remember...
No matter what...
No matter where...
No matter how...
Mum will always be there for you...
Mum will always love you...
...promise...

Still...

Many, many nights ago...before Ramadhan...before Raya...

Hubby : You ada update blog...
Self : Ndada...
Hubby : Kenapa...
Self : Eh ndak tau la...banyak juga mau blog...tapi keadaan sekarang ni macam mau blog pasal my whining saja ni...ndak syok juga gitu...nanti la...

Then I recalled something what hubby said to me...the blog would help him, sort of updating him in the ongoings of our life in KK...the life that he was forcefully against his wish left behind...the life that does not involve him...

On Raya day...

Ron : Ndak memblog suda...
Self : Ha ha ha...
Ron : Buka...Tuesday's fire saja...
Self : Blues ba...blues ja all the time...


Aiyo...how la...

...the culprit...the source of my unhappy-bleak-despair-melancholic-gloomy infested life...

(Babe...do you still remember this photo...taken at Labuan when you wanted to apply for a job in KK...I got it in bigger size back then...now it sits in front of me...you were still in your early twenties...masih muda ganteng gitu...still...my one and only...)

I recalled a conversation I had with a parent at Alli's school...we are not really buddy-buddy...I think her name is Lina...I do not really know her...still don't...I only knew that she is one of the committee in the PIBG...she was kind enough to give me her son's old PE's text book last year...we did the compulsory chin-up acknowledgement when we passed each other in our cars...we did the compulsory smile or 'Hi' when we crossed path in the school's compound...we were in the canteen buying breakfast not long before Ramadan...

Lina : So, how are you?
Self : Hmmm...gini lah...still alive and kicking...
Lina : Wow! I like that...still alive and kicking...

Yup, yup, yup...
...definitely much alive....
...not kicking as hard as I want to tho'...
but...
still...

Tuesday's Fire

I was in the room channel surfing when I heard the loud roar of the fire siren.
I took a day off yesterday as all the kids were not feeling well.
I told Alli to go outside and wait for the fire truck to pass by the house.
But it never passed by.
Then I heard a commotion outside.
I rushed out and was told that the fire was at the Tabung Haji's hotel.
I rushed out to the garage and sure enough I saw smokes billowing out from one of the room located at the top of the building.
I noticed something weird about the smokes before rushing inside to get my camera.








Surprisingly no untoward incident happened.
The incident ended before it even started.
No human casualty.
No property damage.
Except for the wasted adrenalin rush of the firemen.
Except for the embarrasing predicement of a good samaritan.

I mean how on earth would he or she knows...
I mean put yourself in her or his shoes...
Can you tell...
Can you honestly tell...
That is not the smoke from...
...a fire...
That is the smoke from...
...the fogging...

Like a baby...

Alli was just 7 months old when hubby was transferred to Sandakan. That was one of the darkest period in our lives.

On mum's advice I kept one of hubby's t-shirt unwashed. According to her, the preserved smell of the unwashed clothing would be handy should baby Alli yearns for his daddy. I did just that, let Alli smelled his daddy's t-shirt whenever he gave the abnormal cries, the non-stop crying that you would know instinctly over time as a result for that yearning.

I still remember that advice.
I still do it today.
Not only for Alli's sake.
For my sake as well.

Just like a baby, I would smell hubby's t-shirt.
I would inhale his smell.
I would inhale the residue of his sweat.
I would inhale the residue of his perfume.
As deeply as my lungs would permit.
To feel his presence.
So that I would not forget.
So that I would remember.
Sounds pathetic, isn't it.
But it serves its purpose well for me.

Hubby could not take leave on this school holidays.
Hubby could only take a week off after the school holidays.
That is fine with me, as long as he stays longer with us.
Beggars can't be choosers, they said.

I hope next week will go off in a swift.
I hope next week will go off in a blink.
I hope next week will go off in a jiffy.

Coz I am running...
I am running out of smell...

Blogging limbo...

It was a couple of weeks ago, on a Thursday to be precise...at the office...

Anies : How come you ndak memblog suda ni...
Self : Ntah lah kenapa ni...
Anies : Apa you buat malam...
Self : Tinguk TV...buka laptop...tinguk laptop...nothing seems to come out...

Nothing seems to come out...
Yet there are many things to blog about...
Still nothing seems to come out...

The choo-choo train of thoughts...
The river flow of thoughts...
Just stopped choo-chooing...
Just stopped flowing...

Everything is everywhere...
Everything is nowhere...
Everywhere is somewhere...

...keserabutan tahap melampau...

Alas...
Everything...
Everywhere...
Nowhere...
Somewhere...

This shall pass...

Gothic Lolita

That's what they called it.
That's what they called this type of clothings.
Well, whatever its name is, I have it.
Let me re-phrase that.
I have bought it.
Now Adek have it.

When we first found the Street at 1Borneo, the girls went bonkers. When we browsed in the shop, they became hysterical with excitement. Hilang ingatan terus!

Adek : Mummy, mummy....
Self : (silently checking the price tags)
Kakak : Mummy, mummy...
Self : (silently urut2 dada)
Alli : Mummyyyyyy, my feet hurts...
Self : Ok, lets go girls (joy killer)...
Adek & Kakak : Ehhhhhhh...(totally disappointed yet still excited)
Self : Mau buat apa juga tu...kamu mau pakai pigi mana...
Adek & Kakak : Make believe saja ba mum...main2 di rumah...

After a while...



Self : Adek, mummy suda kasi you hadiahfor your 5A?
Adek : (grinning ear to ear)...not yet, not yet...
Self : Ok, let me think about it...

Kakak : Mum, kalo my PMR good, can I have one juga ka?
Self : Ok, let me think about it (standard and safe respond)...


The 2nd time we went to the Street was when hubby came down for Kakak's birthday. He was busy escorting Alli to the Toy City shop next door. I was busy with the girls.

I got this respond from hubby...

Self : Whei...kopak oh...
Hubby : Kenapa mau beli gitu mahal...(when I told him the price)...
Self : Ndak apa la, we belum lagi kasi hadiah 5A dia...(I got a nod of agreement)...


I got this respond from the ladies at the office...



Self : I beli suda baju tu...
Ladies : Hah! Mahal tu Tun...
Self : Ndak apa la...hadiah UPSR dia...


The costume costs me RM399.90. A whooping RM399.90 excluding the stockings. That stripy stockings alone is RM25.90. Kemahalan yang terlampau to say the least.


But still I bought it for Adek.
Why? One might asked.


I remembered one incident soon after we got her UPSR's result.
They were busy on the computers while myself and Alli watched TV.
Hubby came in with the phone bill. A RM300++ phone bill. I was speechless.
When Adek admitted to me that might be her calls, I was not even surprised. I always received calls for her. She quickly followed hubby to the other room.


When she came back, she continued playing with the computers, like nothing happen. Heran.
When I asked hubby about it, he asked me to just let it go. Not to pursue the matter anymore.
How can I argue with his justification...
Except for the extra classes at school, we have NEVER sent Adek for any tuition for hubby does not allow it.
Focus in class and do your revision, that's what hubby always told the kids.
And the calls she made for that one-time-high-phone-bill were cross-referencing with friends.


So here they are ladies...









By the way...
Did I mention this to you...
That I will bring the real thing tomorrow...
Just to show...
How super crazy this mother is...


So, please...
after this...
pester me no more...
harrass me no more...
let me be in peace...

My strength...

I need my strength desperately...

I am now lost in my bewilderment...

I am now lost in my helplessness...

Tonight I will have my strength...

Even for a short spell...

Even for a brief time...

...content...

...for now...

Water World Theme Park

When I thought hubby could not take leave during the last school’s holiday, I promised myself to bring the kids for a surprise visit to the Water World Theme Park at Bukit Padang. A surprise visit caused even being a KK town folks, we have never been to the place before.

A few days before the school holidays, hubby told me that his leaves were approved and that he would be taking us to a camp out at Tambunan. I thought then we would scrap the visit again but surprisingly hubby told me to proceed with the idea. We would have to do it on the last day of the holiday though, the day after the camping trip.

Then Adek fell ill during the camping trip. She was still feeling weak on our trip back home and there is a high possibility of abandoning the visit to the Water World. Kakak was very disappointed with the impending cancellation and openly demonstrated her unhappiness. We were supposed to have an early start but after a while Adek told us that she was feeling a little bit better and urged us to go ahead

On the advice of Momoi, I did not prepare any food for the visit as she told me that food was not allowed in. They had their bags checked the last time they went there. So, I only bring a small bottle of water. When we arrived, our bags were not checked and surprise, surprise, the food would only be served at around 11.00am if memory served me right. Gosh, we thought we would have our breakfast there.

So, while waiting for the food, I started snapping around when….

Man : Hello, hello…
Self : (turning around)…
Man : Ndak boleh tangkap gambar…
Self : Huh! Ndak boleh tangkap gambar...(repeating like a parrot)...
Man : Ya, ndak boleh...

I walked away confused and angry and tried very hard to remember if I missed on the non-camera signage. I told hubby of my frustration and we relaxed for a while just looking out for the kids.

After a while I started snapping around again. I was focusing on one of the kids when from the corner of my eyes I saw the same man coming over to where I was. Man, I was totally pissed off and was I ever ready to do a confrontation with this man.

Man : Hello, jangan tangkap yang kosong ah…
Self : Huh!
Man : Jangan tangkap yang kosong...(pointing to the slides)
Self : Oh, saya mau tangkap gambar budak-budak saya saja…
Man : Ok, jangan tangkap yang kosong...
Self : Kenapa ah...
Man : Ada orang tangkap gambar kosong, lepas tu bikin brochure...susah kami...
Self : Ok, jangan susa la...saya pun ndak mau buang masa tangkap yang kosong ni...
Man : Ok..bagus kamu pigi sana...senang mau gambar (pointing to where a couple of ”lifeguards” station themselves)Self : (walked with the man)…thank you (when I reached the place)...
Man : Ok…dia mau tangkap gambar budak-budak dia tu (telling his guys)…

...hubby giving out the do's and the dont's...

...checking out the facility...

...it's been a long time since they enjoyed a water slide...

...stunt went wrong...

...no worry...the sistas are on hand...

...my favourite...all my children holding out for each other...

(more pics will be uploaded at ZY's Images)...

At around 12noon, I signaled the kids to come out from the pool as we wanted to treat them to lunch at Gayang. I knew they were disappointed but what they did not know is that hubby has told me that he would be taking them for a return visit in the future. I purposely did not tell disclose that information or otherwise I will be forever harassed for when the next visit will be.

We only spent about 2 hours there but then again time is just not on our side. Hubby would have to go back to Labuan the next day.

The entrance fee of RM15 per pax is a tad expensive…
Compared to the joy the kids were having…
A pittance…