Birding heartaches and joys...

Two Saturdays ago...


My chest tightened. It felt like someone is tugging hard at it. I put my hand over my chest. I could feel my heart racing hard and fast, thudding against my palm. My breathing became laboured. I was breathing very hard. I was out of breath. I gulped the air as slow as I can. As gentle as I could.

I could see that my hands were shaking. I opened up my palm. It was pale. I clenched it. I unclenched it. In my oxygen deprived lungs, I reached inside my pocket. With unsteady hand, I took out my BB and scrolled hubby's no.

Self : I felt like throwing my camera...
Hubby : Huh?
Self : It's here...just under the bridge...
Hubby : So, did you get a photo...
Self : (voice shaking in agony)...yaaa...but all blurrrrrrrrr...it's just too fast...too quick for my cam...


My eyes started to burn. I just could not believe it. It was a first time for me. I could hardly believe that I nearly shed a tear. I nearly reduced to crying. Just because of her...the White-Browed Shortwing. Our recent find. The cause of our sleepless nights.

On our way back home, I could not help talking endlessly about the shortwing. Hubby patiently listened to my repetitive narration on the missed opportunities. I guessed he could see the disappointment written all over my face. He could hear the frustration in my voice. But when hubby suggested that we do another trip the next day, thrilled that I was, I did not give him the thumbs up right away.

For one, I would be breaking the rule...no birding on Sunday or a day before work day. The other one would be the kids. They would definitely do not take this into stride. So, we devised an idea. We would take them along for a half day affair at the mountain. And to our surprise but I have to admit much to our delight they flatly rejected the idea.

So, in order to compensate our absence on Sunday, we treated the kids to Dinner at Tuaran Chicken Rice and later got them their food supplies. I was happy with the turn of event and my obsession with the shortwing took me to another level when I dreamt of it that night...


On Sunday...


On our way up, I could not hide my excitement. I chatted non-stopped and when I do stopped I chanted the shortwing name in silence. I willed it to come out and showed itself. I have to see it again. I have to get a photo of it. That's my mission.

While hubby went into the trail to look for the Whitehead Trogon, I lingered around the stream around the park. It has become my favourite spot ever since I spotted not only the White-Browed Shortwing but also the endemic Crimson-Headed Partridge.

It was not long before I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. Being extra careful, being extra quite, I think I even stopped breathing completely while clicking furiously at my shutter.

I was on cloud nine when I managed to nail these photos. The best that my camera could reach. The best that my camera could give me.

...The White-Browed Shortwing...Brachypteryx montana...

...The Eyebrowed Jungle Flycatcher...Rhinomyias gularis...

...an endemic that is highly territorial...it will chase off other birds that went into its "claimed" spot...



...The Indigo Flycatcher...Eumyias indigo...

...saw one of it bathing the day before...it was a treat watching them taking turns dipping in the cool water...

...I heard hubby called out to me..."take both of them, you're at the right angle"...only then I realised that both of them preening at the bank of the stream...

To be able to appreciate the sheer beauty of these winged ones among us...
...is a noble act...
To be able to see and captured their sheer beauty on camera...
...are life's small pleasures...

Yuckyyyy...

...this morning at the office...

Since I car-pooled with hubby, I would asked him to drop me off at the nearby restaurant to get my breakfast...

I was reading the newspaper over my breakfast and almost did not noticed it...since I do not eat garlic and onions I would normally rummaged over my noodles to put them aside...still I did not noticed anything peculiar...I guessed I was lucky enough today...when I took off my eyes from the paper in between bites I saw a roundish black thingy shape...still I thought it was a burnt crust if not for the metalic sort of shine it reflected...it was nothing actually...

...hahhh...nothing my foot...IT'S A FLY!!!...it's not the ordinary fly...it's the bigger version one...'the langau'...


...this brought to mind something that happened some time in April last...

We were having lunch at this restaurant located on the other side from our office at Alamesra. It was always packed with people and we are in agreement that the various selection of tasty foods is really a crowd puller.


...we had our 2nd lunch there when...

Momoi : Oh my...
Aines : Why?
Momoi : Still alive...
Self : What...what is it?
Momoi : Do you think I have eaten it?
Self : What is it?
Sai : Maggot...


A still very much alive maggot was wiggling in Momoi's veggies. We summoned one of the lady workers. It took them quite a while to attend to Momoi and when shown the maggot she informed who we believed is one of the supervisors. Momoi's food was taken away and she was told to take fresh ones. I guessed remembering that wiggly thing had loosen her appetite a bit. She only took one dish instead of three.


We continued our lunch when I noticed something in my dish and asked one of the girls...

Self : What do you thing this is...(pushing a pinkish flatten shred of something to the edge of the plate)
Momoi : What...don't tell me you have one too...
Self : Do you think this is also that thing Nes...
Aines : (peering closer)...Yes...


I signalled to the lady worker yet again...

Self : Just want to tell you (pointing at my plate)...
Worker : Oh my...get a fresh one then...
Self : It's okay...

It was in my veggie. My veggie is different from Momoi's. I did not take fresh food as requested as I almost finish eating mine. Then I continued eating my chicken. Well, the chicken is tasty after all.

2 out of 4 person having maggots in their lunch...one alive...one dead...sitting at the same table...wow...talk about luck!


Just a few hours before lunch that day I had an encounter...I was passing Jacq's work station on my way from the verandah when I noticed something on the tiles...

...it must have crawled out from the newly replaced potted plant...it even got time to poop...

...a closer view of the earth worm...that's quite a poop tiny fella...

...after a few attempts I managed to wrestle it up on the toothpick...

So, this is the deal...
...we abstained from visiting the maggot restaurant as it is now on our blacklist...
...I would still buy my breakfast from the fly restaurant...

Catching up...

...an understatement indeed...

It was indeed a long time since I last blogged...is it caused by what one called the writer's block...I myself chuckled on that excuse...am I out of articles to write...well it is a lame excuse indeed as I have tonnes of things to write actually...okay then...let's just say that I went for a journey to the land of laziness...liked it very much there and decided to stay a while...so much so that I overstayed my visit and got myself stranded willingly...talk about laziness in full force...well I think they have been resting long enough...it is time to let the fingers do their talking again...


Talked about catching up...hhmmm...20 odd years...2 decades is indeed a pretty long time I reckoned...funny thing is, felt like it was only just yesterday...but that was not to be I'm afraid...I aged twice since then...I no longer weigh 40kg...I am no longer the young girl I used to be...against my will I left that life 20 years ago on a one-way trip in the land of no return...I prepared myself for working life...before becoming a wife...before becoming a mother...my new world...my life...all other things became secondary...


I think I was not the only one having to make a 360 degree turn of my life...well, to think that I have a friend who is also living at Sembulan back then...our houses were not that far situated from each other...for the life of me I swore I have never met her after we finished at ITM...except for the once in a blue moon situation where I bumped into an old friend, I guessed that's about it...and then such rare meeting would be cut short by the children's wailing or the spouse's meaningful stare, among others that is...


Then came the FB craze...somehow rather I succumbed easily to this craze unlike its predecessor Friendster and MySpace...even my daughter gave me the oddest-could not believe-big-eye-look when she knew I signed up...I searched and searched for long lost friends and only managed to find a few friends...I could not help thinking...are we really that old?...too old not to be a bit computer savvy...too old not to be having some fun...well, my daughter thought it...


Then out of the blue, a familiar name from the east cost added me in FB...I was pretty happy because I have not heard from her for ages...Darmaliah or Dee as she was affectionately called, messaged me...upon knowing her impending visit to KK, we took this opportunity to hold a small reunion with those staying at KK...since I was pretty incommunicado with most of my friends, I let Dar, as I called her, got the ball rolling...a small voice seemed to tell me that the last minute arrangement would not produce the result that we wanted...it did not deter us at all...even after knowing only a small number could make it...even I myself was not sure I could make it...










...(L to R)...Norhaidah (Pau), Darmaliah (Dee or Dar), yours truly, Diana (Di) and Di's cute niece...






But I did make it...only 4 of us made it...but had a blast we did...we lunched at the Chicken Rice Shop at 1Borneo...we talked and talked and talked...we went down memory lane...we reminisced the good old days...we were 20 years younger...we could not help ourselves...we could not help laughing out loud...we could not help giggling at our own jokes...Dar and Pau were seated next to each other...they would shoved at each other...they would slapped at each other's arms...I thought we were at our former dorm at that time...the 4 of us sitting at the long table outside the dorm...eating hot maggi after long lecture period...Pau and Dar looked just as before...it is hard to think that these two jokers are mothers of grown up children...it will be in no time these two would be getting sons or daughters in laws...wow that would be something to see indeed...

...the 4 of us put our brain together trying to remember everybody from our course...Dar penned down the names on the tissue and we went quite for a while when she wrote down a name...a dear friend who was taken too early...Julena or Jase...Rest in Peace dear...don't worry...you are remembered...I still remembered that I sent you home...we chatted a while and before leaving you gave me a parting gift...a big yellow bee doll...I still remember my friend...I will remember you forever...


Time was really not on our side that day...in the brief limited time, we decided to hold another reunion with the hope of a more merrier attendance before the year end...it would be great to be able to band together with the rest of the girls...it is something I looked forward to...


So, to be or not to be, that is the question...Dar, Di and Pau...I leave it in your good hands to pull this off...


Catching up after 20 odd years...an understatement indeed...
Making up for long lost time for a day...priceless...

Tattoo...

...ehemmmm...
...not body tho'...
but these...








...kakak's...I thought it was not yet finished eventho' she already wore it last Sunday to KK...she told me it represent darkness and light...her interpretation of her drawings...








...Adek's..."cantik kah, cantik kah ni" she asked, showing me a beautiful sketch of heart motif...was a bit surprised when she painted this tho...I guessed it is a bit easier to manipulate only one colour...




..."eh tembirang lah tu kan, suka betul lukis hantu jepun ni" I heard the girls saying as soon as their Uncle Joko return home one night...this was really a surprise tho..."oohhh...ko pakai cat yang baru saya beli pula tu ah" hubby garang2 kunu cakap sama si Joko...he even told us that some of his friends are interested...hmmmmmmm...

...later...

My mothers...

Mak...

I do not need to wait for Mother's Day to remember you by...
Wherever you are...
You're always in my prayer...
Always in my heart...
Rest in peace...
You're in good hands...
You're in a better place...
Till we meet again mak...
Until then...Alfatihah...Amin










...a studio photo when there's only 3 of us siblings...
...except for Bapa's, all our clothes were sewn by mak...
...mak, if only I can taste your cooking one more time...






Mummy...


Thank you for giving me the opportunity...
For letting me be a daughter again...
You're one of a kind...
I am honoured...



...Alli took this photo of mummy holding some mangoes she picked from the small orchard beside the house...a big woman with a big heart to match it...mummy may good health and happiness be with you all the time...


I am blessed...

Inspirations...

Last night...

Hubby told me an inspirational story narrated to him by Chai during their lunch together on last Tuesday...

...some time in the 80s Chai was doing research work at Danum Valley...he met this one gardener who worked there...the gardener was still there when Chai was doing another research work some time in the 90s...

...this gardener is weirdly special...weird because he would take whatever seeds he found and started to plant them...special because in this way he would be able to monitor the progress of the plants, nurtured them, watch them grew and understand them right from their seed...a self-gained knowledge that others might perceive as something that is merely done just to kill time...nothing out of the ordinary tho, after all, he is the gardener...

...but I guessed little did everyone knew that this hands-on-self-gained-knowledge would open up the path to a new world to the gardener...he was very passionate about what he did and over time he became an "expert" on these plants....so much so that when a group of students from the UK were doing their thesis...he was there teaching them about the plants...they were very impressed with his knowledge...I mean who wouldn't...a lowly worker who most of the time did not even deserve a nod of our head...a lowly worker whose existence is none to some of us...

...the gardener was later joined by his nephew at his workplace and he instilled the same passion into him...his indepth knowledge of the plants won the heart of the students that they suggested he went to the UK and worked in one of the green houses there...he went there in 1999 (if I'm not mistaken)...he is still there...still doing what he did when he went there...lecturing!!!

I was very sure about one thing...
...one does not need credentials to change one's life...
...one does not need all the worldly materials to transform one's life...
...it takes a little bit of passion...
...it takes a little bit of confidence...
...it takes a little bit of desire...
...this is what I believe...

I forgot to mention one thing tho about this gardener...oops two things actually...
...from a non-english-talking-person, he is now lecturing in UK...
...it gets even better...the gardener is a Timorese!!!

Talking about inspiration, I was inspired by what I saw in one of the blogs...I was forever harassed by my colleagues to make use of my children's artistics talent...a talent that they inherited from their father...

I have bought all the necessary materials for them to experiment with but their father dearest has beat them to it...

This morning hubby showed me this...he did them last night...an image of the Borneon Bristlehead, the 5 star-endemic-sought-after-close-to-his-heart bird, hand-drawn on one of his hiking boots (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jordansitorus/3185219520/in/photostream/)

...inspirational stories are abound...
...if we look closely, the doors of opportunity are everywhere...
...if we look closely, the windows of opportunity are there...
...we see them...
...but how many take a good look inside...
what we're good at...
what we're best at doing at...
...be a spectator...
...be an audience...
It's no longer enough for me tho...
I'm feeling inspired these past few days...
It's a wonderful feeling...
It's a mighty wonderful feeling when you shared them with your family...

Ticked off...

Last Monday...

Self : Hari ni buli slot in kah...
E : Oohh banyak betul kereta oh...itu orang berbaris sampai luar...besok buli kah...jam 9.00...
Self : Ok...thanks ah...

Last Tuesday...

Self : 2nd service and ada few things yang I mau dorang tengok...saya mau fully synthetic ah...
E : Eh Triton tiada oh...1 jenis saja minyak dia...
Self : Bah ok lah...tolong suruh check ada squeaking sound di bahagian tayar...mau kena kasi greasing...kami suda guna WD40 tapi itu bunyi balik lagi...lepas tu tolong juga suruh dorang check ini ah...kalau 1000rpm ada mau bunyi kasar sikit...
E : Di engine kah...
Self : Inda tau la tuh...time slow ada bunyi macam kasar sikit...
E : Eh kalau gitu dorang mau kena test drive tu...kau mau tunggu kah...
Self : Eh tidak...saya rushing ni...my colleague nanti ambil saya...you call me la kalo sudah siap...


Well, what can I say. Barely into her 2nd month with us, the triton has to go for her 2nd service as she has already ate up 5800km. Pity her tho but she is doing a splendid job in plying the 115km-5-day-ride from Tuaran to Putatan and not to mention the ride up to the mountain every weekend.


Afer lunch I called up the service centre only to be told that it is not ready yet. I was only called back after 3pm to collect the car and reached the office slightly after 4pm.

When hubby reached home that night...I was in the kitchen preparing dinner...

Hubby : Jadi macam mana kereta...
Self : Mau tau...nasib masa masuk kereta, I check bill...adakah dorang charge cuci kereta padahal indada...
Hubby : Adakah dorang buat...
Self : Eh panjang cerita ni...mesti mau cerita perl...
Hubby : (cutting me off)...ya ka tidak...
Self : Tiada lah kali...sampai ofis tadi I ungat-ungat kereta tu masi juga ada bunyi...
Hubby : Aduiiii...ini lah time yang paling bagus...(tone lain macam suda...menengok pun berkerut2 kening)


I somehow felt that he's blaming me for not making sure that all those things were done. I continued with cooking when hubby came behind me...

Hubby : Bukan saya marah sama kau ni ah...
Self : (silent)
Hubby : Kau dengar kah...
Self : Ya lah...(I did not even look at him)


I'm afraid the damage was done. I myself was angry. All of a sudden the chronology of the day's events flashed back into memory. I started to reminisce...all I need was a bit of understanding on the inconveniences I encountered when servicing the car...

1. I called up Aines to fetch me up at the service centre. She somehow rather did not tell me that she had an appointment with a customer that morning. Just because she had to pick me up, she asked the customer to meet her a bit later. I only knew about this when she rushed out again slightly after reaching the office. This is guilt no. 1.

2. I managed to get one of the boys to send me to the service centre. My exact words..."Ada siapa2 free kah nanti? Mau minta tumpang pigi ambil kereta?...to which Toby voluntereed. I knew that nowadays the boys are drowning in their jobs but you would rarely get a disappointing answer from them. As best as they can, they would accommodate your requests, be it official or personal. We're a close knit small community after all. Nearing 3.30pm I buzzed Toby telling him that I would be waiting for him downstairs. I waited for quite a while when he called, asked me to wait coz 'ada kerja sikit' he told me. When he came down, he apologized to me for being late. Geezzz...I think it should be the other way around. This is guilt no. 2.

3. I paid up without even inspecting the bill. Luckily when I was inside the car I pulled out the bill and noticed I was being charged for body and engine wash. Upon inspection I noticed that it was not done as the same stain at the passenger's door is still there. I went back to the payment counter and was given a raincheck on the body and engine wash. I rushed as quickly back to the office. There are tons to do before the Big Man is going away for his leave. I gave the car a shake on the rear tyre, and there it was, the squeaking sound. Somehow I knew then the rest of the request which I scribbled on a piece of paper for them to do was not done. This is ticked off no. 1.

4. I got ticked off no. 2 when hubby started to let go some steam. I also knew that he was not really angry with me but I also could not help feeling that he's blaming me a bit. It's in the tone. It's in the reaction.

I never like it when he asked me to do stuff for the cars. To me, it's a man job. Never like it, never will be. For God's sake I don't even know how to pump up the tyre. I know I should. Basic mah...so what if I don't want to learn. My loss, my own problem.

So now I'm in a semi-silent mode...
Maybe that happens when you live some time apart...communication gets rusty...
Or maybe the timing is not right...it's those monthly thingy...

Maybe I'll go there...
To those "happy" places a lot of people seems to go to...
...whenever they're feeling down...
I don't have it yet...
But I think I'll go here...
...at least this time...